Look how hip and rebellious these guys are! they don't dress like stupid conformists, no sir! I mean, arm tattoos? who has those? and who among you has the courage and balls to dress like a gay hip cowboy like Johnny is? or look like he just woke up and put a square ring on his finger like tim? or appear as though you bought these clothes used when in fact you just spend 250 dollars on ripped jeans, a falsely aged t-shirt and converses? or most importantly, look as though you don't know the words basic hygene. these men are a national treasure of coolness, they are the sole lighthouses in a grey sea of conformity nonuniqueness, the greatest director and actor of the past 20 years!
if you believe the above paragraph, kindly swallow a stick of dynamite, you emo faggot poser. do you not realize it is YOU who is the conformist? you are the one who does what is cool and popular, just not among so called "popular" people, you conform to other things. you soundly believe Tim Burton is the greatest director of the past 20 year s(of which your wrong, the top 3 are Michael Bay, Peter Jackson and Zach Snyder, tarantino is 4th, and we'll go through this list now: you know why Michael Bay is the best, Peter Jackson made the impossible possible with Lord of the rings, Zach Snyder has two kickass movies (watchmen and 300) under his belt, and you know tarantinos credentials, Pulp fiction, Inglourious basterds, kill bill etc). do you Know, Mister Hipster, where tim burton lies on this list? somewhere between Uwe Bole and the guys who keep making disaster/superhero/date movie, that is, in the "these guys are so bad I hope they get cancer" category.
now you're asking, Gecko, thats a bit harsh, Burton has changed fil. I kindly interrupt you there, good sir, tim burton has made, of nearly 20 films, 3 good ones. batman (its fucking BATMAN, it can't suck unless its batman begins or batman and robin) Batman Returns (see above) and Edward scissorhands (a genuinely touching movie). and when did he make all of these? 20 years ago, he is coasting on the fact that he made 3 pretty good movies 20 years ago, everything since then? dogshit
Nightmare before christmas you say? I say that that movie is awful for a variety of reasons 1. Jack Skellington is a toolbox 2. the animation is stupid (he only did stop motion to be unique, it would be fine as traditional cel animation, douche) and 3. you meet any animation/art student and ask them their favorite movie, quite a few will say Nightmare before christmas is in among their tops.
Burton also has this nasty habit of not knowing when things don't need to be remade. Ask Charlie and the chocolate factory, not the badass one with Gene wilder who basically spends most of the movie pissed off and angry, Mike teevee as a cowboy, violet beauregard as a blueberry, Augustus gloop dying of sugar OD, you know, the classic; I'd bet solid money that wonka was coked up and or drunk off his ass through most of it No, I'm talking the one with the fruity ass Johnny depp, who has things like a backstory, childhood pain, and acts like a freaky michael Jackson who almost certainly sticks his dick in the chocolate. yeah, think of that next time you eat a candy bar, someones dong taking a dip in your bar, sounds gross right? grosser than insect legs, dick chocolate. I don't CARE why wonka is the way he is, no one does, I just assumed he was a surly drunk most of the day, Maybe he's diabetic, which would be horribly ironic, being a candy icon, in fact, that makes so much sense, willy wonka was diabetic. Maybe I'm alone there. and don't get me started on that alice in wonderland movie he's making.
oh fuck, now i'm started, this is gonna end badly, I can guarantee it. first off, Johnny depp keeps looking freaky as shit, anne hathaway (normally really tappable and is known to be pro anal sex) looks like a goddamn freaky geisha. Helena Bonham carter (who can always, ALWAYS be found in a burton movie) is a shrunken midget. why did we need her around anymore? she's a hipster doofus. and 3-D? everyone knows the avatar is the only movie allowed to do 3-D, because it did UH-MAZINGLY.
anyway, onto depp. Johnny depp gets constant praise for taking Unique, cool roles. well guess what? EVERY role he takes is some crazy, supposedly funny weirdo. Jack Sparrow, the mad hatter, willie wonka, all basically the same artsy, uniquely weird person. Man, do I hate that. Say what you will about tom cruise, Brad Pitt, etc, at least those fuckers play different characters, ditto with George Clooney, but Johnny depp? no, far too content to play some crazy guy who is slightly off but he is a special person! a unique flower!
asshats.
