Vegans suck, here's why!

very few things make my blood boil like the sight of a vegan. whats a Vegan? a Vegans like a Vegitarian (who i have no problems with, I know lots of ballin vegitarians) but with a whole lotta self importance clogging his ass. a Vegan will not eat ANYTHING to do with animals, including milk, cheese, honey and the prized bulls urine of uzbekistan, on the basis that humans should not eat eat for ethical reasons. um, hello? we're omnivores, dawg. we eat FUCKING EVERYTHING, from Meat to veggies, and both are necessities for your diet to be healthy and well rounded. and if a vegan cares so much about the emotions and feelings of the animals they eat, why do not feel for the countless tiny animals killed by wheat threshers, seed drills, and other farming technology, after all, those are animals too, after all.

the point is 99 percent of vegans are hypocrites who believe, quite simply, man is designed to do something he simply isn't, live without meat. and besides, what is considered vegan delicacy? leaves? Eggplant? those are side dishes, have you ever bitten into good steak and not been like "this is fucking delicious, how do people give up meat?" I do all the time, meat is, for lack of a better word, the orgasm of foods. here, lets rate meat kids on a scale of 1 to 5

Beef: 10/5

you ever meet bad beef? no, you know why? no such thing. Beef is tasty any way,, any cut, any slice of beef you get, it 100 percent guaranteed to be fucking delicious, ground of not, fuck, you ever have a cheeseburger? motherfucker, I could eat 10 of those goddamn things like they were nothing. and beef also has the kings of meat on its side: the t-bone steak, porterhouse and filet fucking mignon, which are the only french words that don't mean surrender.

pork: 10000000/5:

Pork mainly goes this high because of two simple words: ba-con, thats right bitch, the king of food, period. Bacon, I'd use all of Jim Gaffigan bacon rant here, but that would be insulting, so I will simply quote a wise friend of mine " Bacon is the meat form of candy" Bacon is simply perfect, facon does not do it justice, nor do turkey or chicken bacon, but shit, bacons like Gemma atkinson humping scarlett Johannson while Queens of the stone age plays in the background, all set to an american flag background and with at least 30 explosions, and then multiply by over 9000, your good. also, pork has sweet and sour pork, and tasty tasty pork roll aka taylor ham, which is dandy for breakfest.

chicken: 4/5


chicken is solid, if unspectacular, its a safe bet at resturants, makes such decadent treats as fried chicken, general tso's chicken and buffalo chicken. on the downside, chicken can be messed up, not like beef or pork, chicken divan is a prime example of this, broccoli and a strange sauce? no thanks hank, on the other hand, when done right, suck as chicken parmesean, chicken teriyaki and chicken fajitas, chicken rivals beef and pork for sheer amazingness, but when failed, chicken is bro levels of fail, because how can you ruin something so damned delicious and perfect and wonderful?

if your a boy and ride quad, your a douche and how to be a kickass parent

I am hanging out in my backyard today, reading a nice book (Men with Balls by Drew Magary, if you must know) when out of nowhere, ZOOM! some little fuck drives behind My house with a quad. whats a quad? its an ATV, an all terrain vehicle, used by people like i presume park rangers and mountain riders. but if you are a guy under 16 and own a quad and live in suburbia, congrats! your a bro in the making. no vehicle is more inherently useless and shitty than a quad in suburbia, bike that route, bro. normally, I am not an environmental advocate, but for fucks sake, do you not see why we have a gas problem? because dipshit parents who can't raise their kids as kids, and try to make them their best friends, give their little dipshits whatever they want, and have to buy gas to fill up little johnnys useless fucking death device, thus driving the price of gas up for fuckers who need cars, just so you, a dipshit raising a littler dipshit, can make sure your kid likes you. I Guarantee you, my kid will not like me, I will not cave on his every demand or cater to his every whim, allow me to show you a glimpse into the future, bitches.

Kwanzaa gecklet : Dad, can I have-

Kwanzaa gecko : No

Kwanzaa Gecklet: But Dad I-

Kwanzaa gecko: is it your birthday?

Kwanzaa gecklet: No but-

Kwanzaa gecko: is it christmas?

Kwanzaa gecklet : No But timmy at school

Kwanzaa gecko : Listen son, timmy at school is a spoiled bitch, and when he finally has to sit down and start earning shit, that little fuck will be up a shit creek without toilet paper, eventually spiraling downward into a crack addicted skinny weirdo who smells vaguely like gorgonzolla cheese and turns tricks for fat businessmen, inevitably dying a young death of whom no one will remember or care. Now do you want that? do you want to be addicted to crack?

Kwanzaa gecklet : I wanna move in with timmy!

Kwanzaa gecko : go right ahead, saves me a call to the police when I know where you are, now one day, you will be happy I didn't give you everything you wanted, because it gives you a sense of entitlement. do you wanna end up a shitsucking brody jenner spencer pratt douchemaster of the known universe? no you don't, because if you do, you're outta the will, and you don't get my robot dinosaur and mastodon car, and I will choke you to death on your own self tanner.

Kwanzaa gecklet

END SCENE SUCKAS

Point is, if you give your kid a quad, and you live in fucking suburbia, where its a developed neighborhood, I hope your next child drinks gasoline and then burns himself from the inside out, you fuck of a parent

Music that sucks and music that stomps ass

85 percent of music produced today is god awful shit, its Miley cyrus, whose only use is as tasty jailbait. or its those fucking Jonas Brothers, sorry Jo Bros, your not rock stars, I don't think McJagger has pledged abstinence and been on the cover of good housekeeping, you know who does that? thats right, the gays do, and everyone knows gays can't be rock stars, unless they're elton john. those two acts, Miley and the Jonases, are even pop, ready?

BAM! New Paragraph, I am edgy.

don't even get me started on the shit that is passed off as rock. Good charlotte? Good charlotte is so horrible I would rather get in the ring with ivan drago covered in american things than listen to their shit. Linkin Park? Linkin parks sole achievement is what i've done, and thats only because it ends motherfucking transformers 1, you ever hear a linkin park song that doesn't make you want to go down to the nearest hot topic and want to bludgeon faggoty teenage boys with a sock full of nickels, you haven't heard Linkin park music. Green Day you say? I would personally shove Billie Joe bitchtits into a wood chipper feet first for producing american idiot and their new, even gayer album "we touch young boys". what about fallout boy? if your most famous member of your band is your bassist, your not a rock band, sorry. and Pete Wentz married Ashlee "holy fuck, your dogs shit has more talent than me, and your dogs shits dad doesn't want to bang your sister" simpson, and presumably his balls are so deep in her purse, maddonas got them now. Point is: Rock is dying, and if weren't for the following groups of heroes, it would be dead already

BANDS THAT TOTALLY STOMP ASS:

1. Queens of the Stone Age

See the Josh Homme article for Queens of the stone Age and Eagles of death metal, because anymore writing about Josh Homme and I am certain to be branded a homosexual for Josh Homme, and this is simply not true, rather, I respect the man as a singer, guitarist, keyboardist, drummer, and as being an all around badass

2. Muse

Muse is bitchin good, friends, they have a good style, which is simply show up, smash your face with rock, and leave to go pork their british bitches. People say Muse tries too hard to be radiohead, these people can suck the hair right off my nuts, because they are wrong, Muse takes their sound and facefucks radiohead into submission, radiohead is a bunch of pussies, rolling stone tries to state "every college kid knows they are the most important band of their generation".replace radiohead with queens of the stone age, and important with Tit rockingest, and this statement is true. Muse on the other hand, totally smashes ass and makes Me happy to know british music is still kicking ass and raping nice tits.

3.Mastodon

quite simply, Mastodon is the most world destroying, anus ruining, face metal band ever to be born in the past 20 years, since Metallica started mailing it in. for one: they roll with Josh Homme, so they by default do drugs, punt hippies into the grand canyon, and deflower your sister. not only that, but Mastodon has fought system of a down (remember kids: if your rocking politically, your rocking douchily, and thus, not really rocking, just being a douche), they wrote easily the best album of 2009 so far, crack the skye. Crack the skye is so monumentally good, so transcendendly excellent, those who lose will literally begin to sob tears of fail and suck all over the place, wishing to be awesome enough to be able to listen to Mastodon without hating themselves. Crack the skye has fucking everything, here, let me post the description of it:

BAM!


The album follows a quadriplegic who learned to astrally project and on his journey he flew too close to the sun, burning his umbilical cord which connected him to his body and he flew into oblivion. At the same time in Czarist Russia Rasputin and his cult were channeling spirits and brought the quadriplegic to their time. He explains his situation and foretells the assassination of Rasputin. Inevitably Rasputin is assassinated and Rasputin guides him back to his body."

tell me what about that group of words doesn't totally make you want to rock, its as metal as can be, and i love it.

there you go, Music that doesn't suck, Oh I forgot a few bands:

Kings of Leon, Tokyo Police club, the fratellis, the Kaiser chiefs, the Sword are all lofty as well, give em a listen fellow readers (all 6 of you)