Michael Bay: an Brief biography of a great american

No one is sure exactly when Michael bay was born, but many believe he was born on one of two days:

day 1)Michael bay was not born, he simply materialized out of Multiple explosions fully grown

day 2) Michael bay appeared on the day the first known win was created, also out of explosions

take of these what you will, but michael bay is also fucking awesome.

why is michael bay awesome? in order to meet the standard of kwanzaa gecko victoriousness for movies to be an action movie, you must have all of these things

1. explosions, often for no particular reason and people getting rocked

2. fighting, the more pointless and violent the better, extra points for fighting aliens, robots and space fights (any combo of the 3 works too)

3. beautiful girls running around in slow motion, for what seems pointless

and if you have seen transformers 1/2, you would know Michael bay has all 3 of these in spades.
the man directed and produced the single most american movie ever: Pearl harbor. Michael bay cares not what critics like roger ebert think of his movies, he only cares about 2 things: making the best fucking movies ever, and making lots of money, both of which he does so well.

god damn, is Michael Bay awesome, lets go through a typical day in the life of Bay

7:00 AM: Wake up

7:00 AM (2 seconds later): Michael bays bedroom has over 9000 badass explosions

7:15 AM: Michael Bay showers in art house faggy movies scripts, using the rolls of film, Michael bay does not appreciate movies that are pretentious and stupid.

7:45: Michael eats a breakfest consisting of bacon, home fries, eggs and tropicana orange juice, with a tasty everything bagel, he eats entirely in slow motion, with his yard exploding behind him

9:00: Michael bay watches all of his movies, having sex with every hot girl in these movies


3:00 PM: Michael bay controls time, he's done now, goes out, directs amazing movie with far too many explosions than can be considered safe

5:00 PM: Michael rides his space tiger over to chuck norris's house, fights him, wins

7:00 PM: Space tiger explodes, turning into a Hot girl who Michael Bay bones, new space tiger appears

10:30 PM: Michael bay, having exausted his supply of semen and explosions, falls asleep.

there you go, the life and times of one of americas greatest men, Michael Bay

7:45