this sort of goes hand in hand with the "dipshit parents raise dipshit kids" Philosophy, but is it just me, or have normal, non batshit names gone out the window in favor of shit that isn't a name? heres a list some of the top boys names of 2008
Aiden, Kayden, Jaden, Jackson, Logan, Tyler, Taylor, Carson, Carter
notice a trend? all of these names are dipshits. you name your son kayden? congrats, your contributing to the growing population of bros, that kid will grow up and love lacrosse, hate laughter, enjoy the music of good charlotte, and hate all things wonderful and good. so then, for you, the average reader, what should I name my kid so he doesn't grow up to be the kind of person who warrants a mallet to the kidneys? oh thats easy.
you go simple, badass names
Names like Michael, Paul, Nicholas, Phillip, Andrew, simple names, no funny spellings, no phillip with an F, no Nikolas, spell it right, motherfuckers. or if your feeling badass, rock a cool foreign name like Sven, or Axel, shit, if you name your son axel, theres a 100 percent chance that he will grow up to be one of these things:
1. lumberjack
2. Metal guitarist
3. a badass lumberjack metal guitarist
ain't no fags named axel, its just the rules people. if you name your son a black name and your white, anything starting with ja and then a name, jamarcus, Jamatthew, I've seen some jermichaels, or in girls cases, la, lakeisha, latoya, lavender, then you are naming your son wrong (read: if your a halfie half, you can name your kid a ja or a la, but I don't want to see white kids with extremely black names). now of course, you may be asking, oh wise kwanzaa gecko, what shall you name your kid? simple, bitch, an easy name
if its a boy:
after Me or the old man, or my grandpa, alternatively, Lincoln or Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. if all those fail, then a solid name like George or Malcolm
if its a girl:
fuck, I had a girl? I'm giving it back, I want a mulligan. I can't? fuck, I guess whatever Mrs Gecko wants in that case, but if I have to choose, after my grandma would be good.
by the way, do you know what sucks? when it feels like you have inhaled fucking iron scraps into your lungs so your coughs are loud and violent, sort of like your mom in bed, holy fuck, do I hate this, I have been fighting a cold for the past 2 weeks or so, fading in and out, it is fucking HELL. God damn, am I pissed, my lungs fucking ACHE, its a horrible horrible world populated exclusively by me, its like I'm trapped on an island, but instead of an island, its a blood curdling cough that makes me wonder if I am dying slowly of lung rot, and man, I wish I had more to rant about, sadly I do not, so I am going to go fucking shoot my lungs and steal michael phelps' so I can breathe like a fucking champ.
by the way, do you know what sucks? when it feels like you have inhaled fucking iron scraps into your lungs so your coughs are loud and violent, sort of like your mom in bed, holy fuck, do I hate this, I have been fighting a cold for the past 2 weeks or so, fading in and out, it is fucking HELL. God damn, am I pissed, my lungs fucking ACHE, its a horrible horrible world populated exclusively by me, its like I'm trapped on an island, but instead of an island, its a blood curdling cough that makes me wonder if I am dying slowly of lung rot, and man, I wish I had more to rant about, sadly I do not, so I am going to go fucking shoot my lungs and steal michael phelps' so I can breathe like a fucking champ.
