why most animals sucks but a choice few

Animals suck, for the most part, they crap everywhere, walk around naked, scream incoherently (SPEAK ENGLISH YOU ASSHAT ANIMALS!) and generally produce so much lose, we are experiencing global losing. What is Global losing? think of it like Global warming, but a legitimate problem that we need to solve ASAP. Global losing has contributed to among other things:



the birth of more bro's

the fact that Lacrosse is now considered cool

the deaths of countless ninjas, lumberjacks, vikings and pirates

the fact that a man can drive a hybrid without immeadiately being branded a faggot by his peers.

Tina fey, amy poehler, and Jimmy fallon being considered funny

the fact Lil wayne is sucessful

Ross on friends, caesar on Lost, Missy Peregrym not being on TV and the fact that arrested development got cancelled


Rex Grossman not having a team as of this time


british men getting laid

Sonic the hedgehog games now suck


find me one thing that screams cool to you there, and I'll give you a swift punch in your face, dick.


now, what animals win you ask? simple, I'll throw some out there in an ejaculation of truth justice and win.





animal 1: Rhino

Look at our buddy Mr Rhino here and tell me: what is lose about him? he's huge, giant horns designed mainly to fuck shit up and win, feeds exclusively on the tears of children and the hopes of yuppies, that is a win creature right there.

Animal 2: Hippo

the Hippo is like a water rhino with no horns, but a face that resembles a set of nuts. Manly? you bet your ass they are. they bite fucking everything in sight and from my EXCLUSIVE KWANZAA GECKO SOURCES, it is a crushing bite, not a tearing bite.

and finally; the most win animals to walk the earth: DINOSAURS

I wish I could find one picture with all the WINosaurs, but I can't, so here's a list

tyrannosaurus rex (Eats fuckers like douchebags, tools, raging dickholes and annoying lesbians, also the body of the original megazord in power rangers so you know its win, just not as win as the dragonzord)

Triceratops (spikes, speedy, shield head, you could live on these fuckers, plus they fought T-rex regularly, then went out and punted lose animals like whales and dolphins)

Stegosaurus (Spikes on its tail, undoubtedly used to maul Lose animals and to impregnate bitches)

Brontosaurus (anyone who says apatosaurus is getting apatofmyfootinyourassaurus)

Homosoreass (get it?its a gay joke!)

Ankylosaurus (its made of armor! what isn't win?)

there we go, Animals that win

why America is the best country ever

“Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I just feel that America’s the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”

Kenny Powers

that quote sums up american life better than anything maybe ever. are you American? you are? High five yourself. are you canadian? you are? stab yourself in the kidney then stab your birth parents kidney for not having the common decency to get in a car and have you in america. Canada I'm not sure is even its own country, I'm pretty sure they still are britains bitches. you know the only reason britain wins? thats right bitches, TITS!

who wants to see some british boobies? thats right, you do Motherfucker

Look at those! gods gift to Man! who doesn't want to deposit his nut butter there? if they made food in the shape of tits, who wouldn't eat it?

fantastits again, who isn't sporting a boner? I know I am

check out those! I am almost certain you need a permit to be that hot, you can kill old men just walking by (which is kickass, and i know you need a permit, I have one)

BAM! More british tits

anyway, back to america, why does america rule? 1. We have windividuals past and present, Like George Washington, who rode a dragon and killed british people and stole their hot women, Thomas Jefferson, who so epically pwned the french by fucking stealing Louisana by selling it for some ability to win (sadly the ship with win sank, and the french never got it, we kept Louisiana because everybody knows french people are walking living lose). Henry ford, who was so epic he invented the car, and built robot dinosaurs and personally ate the last of the dodos and also made zombies. Thomas Edison, who INVENTED MOTHERFUCKING ELECTRICITY, which is so win. oh, and we made the atom bomb, so suck that, Mexico!

People who complain about americas problems "you're power hungry" "you think you can police the world" "you don't have universal healthcare". these people obviously suck and are jealous of America for being the best motherfucking place on the face of the earth. if you are American and hate America, get the fuck out of MY america, you obviously are so lose you are too big a granola eating, environmentally sound assbandit that you probably just jerk off with fucking leaves and looking at pictures of Hippies, you say "Oh I have freedom of speech" I say "I have the freedom to beat the fuck out of you, its what Alexander Hamilton would've done" . Go live in Canada or drown yourselves, you cumgoblins.

an encycbropedia brotannica entry

ah and now we get to to the fun stuff, the encbropedia brotannica. what is it you ask? well, it is an encyclopedia for a bro. whats a bro? great question

a bro is aged anywhere from 14 to 30, though most commonly found in the 16-25 range. they are entirely male in species, and there is an easy way to spot a bro. Is the guy next to you got too spiky hair with frosted tips? he does? ok, is his skin anywhere from grossly tan to orange as fuck? it is? do his lips have gloss on them, a little too much to be heterosexual? they do? ok. Does he have idiotic chanel sunglasses that a real man would not be caught raped as a corpse wearing? he does? is He wearing a polo shirt (or shirts) and is the collar popped? it is,well shucks. does he have at least one inane ear piercing and or tattoo? He does? does he have a prefrayed hat brim, a visor worn upside down or sideways (or both), and/or a shell necklace? He does? well then, if you answered yes to at least 2, congradulations, you are sitting next to the american bro, also known as a tool, a douchebag, a guido or fucksucker. Here are some pictured examples

Look at these fags, disgusting. and we wonder why americas education system is trailing? also Not pictured: anyone interested in Pussy.

words don't even describe this guys inane shitheadery, what.a.turd. I hope he gets 4 types of uncurable cancer that rot him painfully, what a drain on society in general.

and we come to our first entry of the Encycbropedia, which is actually more like a dictionary, but whatever, there will be encyclopedic entries here too. our first word is

BRONG

what is a brong? a Brong is a gathering of bros, from all corners of the bro world, at least 5 bros must be present for it to go from brofest to BRONG. Copious amounts of Natty, too much jack johnson, and more lacrosse sticks than anyone knows what to do with will undoubtedly be present. this is a gathering of douchebags, and can be used in a variety of ways, as shown here

Bro 1: Yo brah, wheres Matteo? we were supposed to watch family guy together, Brah.

Bro 2: Brah, he went to Chads Brong-a-thon, they're playing painball.

it it these things that make you want to punt children.

why does everyone look sweet smoking a cigar

I have been wondering for some time now, perhaps someone can answer me this epic riddle:

why do all people look totally badass smoking cigars?

look at the pictures people:


check out this broad, normally she's an average looking chick, a cigar in her hands, instant Man wood for her, what guy wouldn't bone her like crazy? I know I would tear that ass apart like Lions do fucking zebras.
check out this cat, suit, beard, cigar, does it get more manly? no, he's some explosions and lesbians away from reaching critical levels of badass and being Tom brady or Josh Homme or Alexander Hamilton
Oh crap, look at that fella. suit, smoking room, SWEET GLASSES, AND A CIGAR?! Tell me that guy isn't so deep in pussy he doesn't know what to do with it, he's giving it away like its a fucking moving day.

without fail, a cigar makes an ordinary man into a badass. Shit, cigars turn pussyass animals into pimps, if blogspot wasn't being gayer than rosie o donnel, this would be the portion of my blog were I'd have a sweet duck smoking.

thats all for today bitches, have a balls to the wall, tits on a rope good easter.

welcome readers

Hello, Hola, Guten tag, Konnichiwa, bonjour and all the other languages on this great planet of ours. Welcome to My blog, the Kwanzaa gecko. What you should know about me: I am a loudmouth, filterless, funnyman who hates things and loves things. Stuff you will find here includes:

Rants on everything from Politics to crappy TV (Hello Rock of Love)

Inappropriate politically incorrect "jokes"

gross stereotypes that end up being truthful

the Encycbropedia brotannica (a simple life and times of your american bro)

All the explosions, zombies, tits and other masculine things you will ever need

some hardcore honesty

liberal use of the phrase "Nut Butter".

basically whatever the hell I want to post about. first real post will be later today, but till then, goodbye and all the other crap