why most animals sucks but a choice few

Animals suck, for the most part, they crap everywhere, walk around naked, scream incoherently (SPEAK ENGLISH YOU ASSHAT ANIMALS!) and generally produce so much lose, we are experiencing global losing. What is Global losing? think of it like Global warming, but a legitimate problem that we need to solve ASAP. Global losing has contributed to among other things:



the birth of more bro's

the fact that Lacrosse is now considered cool

the deaths of countless ninjas, lumberjacks, vikings and pirates

the fact that a man can drive a hybrid without immeadiately being branded a faggot by his peers.

Tina fey, amy poehler, and Jimmy fallon being considered funny

the fact Lil wayne is sucessful

Ross on friends, caesar on Lost, Missy Peregrym not being on TV and the fact that arrested development got cancelled


Rex Grossman not having a team as of this time


british men getting laid

Sonic the hedgehog games now suck


find me one thing that screams cool to you there, and I'll give you a swift punch in your face, dick.


now, what animals win you ask? simple, I'll throw some out there in an ejaculation of truth justice and win.





animal 1: Rhino

Look at our buddy Mr Rhino here and tell me: what is lose about him? he's huge, giant horns designed mainly to fuck shit up and win, feeds exclusively on the tears of children and the hopes of yuppies, that is a win creature right there.

Animal 2: Hippo

the Hippo is like a water rhino with no horns, but a face that resembles a set of nuts. Manly? you bet your ass they are. they bite fucking everything in sight and from my EXCLUSIVE KWANZAA GECKO SOURCES, it is a crushing bite, not a tearing bite.

and finally; the most win animals to walk the earth: DINOSAURS

I wish I could find one picture with all the WINosaurs, but I can't, so here's a list

tyrannosaurus rex (Eats fuckers like douchebags, tools, raging dickholes and annoying lesbians, also the body of the original megazord in power rangers so you know its win, just not as win as the dragonzord)

Triceratops (spikes, speedy, shield head, you could live on these fuckers, plus they fought T-rex regularly, then went out and punted lose animals like whales and dolphins)

Stegosaurus (Spikes on its tail, undoubtedly used to maul Lose animals and to impregnate bitches)

Brontosaurus (anyone who says apatosaurus is getting apatofmyfootinyourassaurus)

Homosoreass (get it?its a gay joke!)

Ankylosaurus (its made of armor! what isn't win?)

there we go, Animals that win