whats up you gingery bastard? Man, gotta be crazy with all this royal wedding shit going down, everyones eyes are gonna be on marrying princes hot new wife. but man, you are the one who has every right to celebrate, not her. yeah yeah, she's gonna be royalty and all that jazz, happy times and handjobs for her and her pretty dress, but man, you are the one who has it made my friend, you know why?
the minute new princess says I do, you, my friend, are off the hook. you hope main prince knocks that broad up and when it happens, you do fucking BACKFLIPS. why, you say?
your a fucking PRINCE. OF ENGLAND. you will be in your 20's with no real job other than show up to fancy events wearing pants (note: pants most likely optional), not say anything too RAY-CESS (note: RAY-CESS ness also optional), don't fingerbang your cousin (note: cousin fingering encouraged in royalty land, doubly so if said fingering can get you land or power or an alliance of some sort). you're the younger, more avaliable prince too. I demand debauched tales of you going on a fuck festival through England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Australia, Canada and any other current or former British territories not named America (we have enough useless people here thank you very much). I mean you gotta plow 10-20 women a day, snort colombia out of cocaine and then snort brazil out of cocaine too. I wanna see you with 3 different models a day, in crazed orgies where someone might die but the royal family will cover it up. you better proceed to pound every hot girl in britain with your unslighty ginger dong and getting enough trim to make tiger woods feel inadequate. you're in the clear, if you weren't a prince, you'd just be some ugly crazy ginger, do you realize how unattractive that is? granted, your skin isn't that pale, so you're a daywalker, but thats still unattractive enough to warrant you not getting poonani for the rest of your days. you, my friend, have been blessed with one of the few automatic panty-dropper titles. you think any girls turning down the chance to allow you to put your pork sword into her pink scabbard? all it takes it 1 sperm to swim up her canal and get pregnant and she is set for how long?
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| fuck yeah, sandlot! |
you hear that, Other Prince of England? you have one job now, sharks in pussies, cocaine snorted, triple fistings. I need an unstable, debauched human being I can admire his antics from afar, yet retreat into my own loving stable life at the end of the day. I wanna hear stories that would make Mick Jagger and Charlie Sheen (WINNING!) feel gross and inadequate in comparison. I want stories that will put all the free sex from 65 to 80 feel like it was tame and vanilla, like the sex super conservative jews have through a sheet. I want violent acts and general mischief that will both impress and disgust me. you can't be a slapdick, other Prince, get your goddamn snacks. now get out there and be cuh-ray-zee.
