boring rich people and what I'd do with my fuck you money

ever notice how exceedingly boring rich people are? all they do is buy houses and cars, its never anything batshit or cool. so thats what this about, what would I do with an exceedingly large amount of money. How Much Money you ask? fuck you money, thats how much. I mean enough to  make normal billionaires feel inadequate, enough to make your average rich fuck feel like he might as well be eating ramen noodles for the rest of his life. I am talking countrys gross domestic product money here, and not shitty african countries who make no money, I mean like fucking spain, a 3rd or 4th tier nation, a fucking enormous amount

(please note: all of this is after taxes, paying off mortages and what have you)


1. house with buckets of secret passageways and a moat with man eating crocodiles.

2. an M1A1 Abrahms tank to fuck with people/drive around.

3. my own entourage who are required to laugh at all my jokes

4. hot russian trophy wife, have her prenup it up.

5.a midget, to have him wrestle and do tricks for Me

6.a group of struggling actors to reenact return of the jedi, but ending instead with a violent ewok massacre. I'm pretty sure the guy who plays luke is avaliable anyway.

7.giant FUCKING cannon, I mean comically big, complete with 60 acre property to launch shit out of my cannon including but not limited to: couches, old tv's, bulky furniture, cases of propane and the entire cast of Glee.

8. weasle my way to be conan o briens first guest on his new show, be charming and awesome

9. start my own tv channel: GeckoTV. all we air is House, Bones, How I met your Mother, the office, 30 rock and old 90's cartoons, also, star wars weekends where we air the 6 movies.

10. buy small country, name myself supreme Jedi of the high council

11. not use so many star wars references

12. ok, one more, buy the rights to star wars and have episodes 1-3 remade to not suck, have it primarily feature Mace Windu, Obi-wan Kenobi, Yoda and Boba fett on a massive space pussy journey.

13. work on mind control technology so I can keep geckopolis under control

14. pay a band to follow Me around and play epic theme music behind Me, preferably duel of the fates (shit this is waaaay too many star wars references)

15. buy 2 and a half men from CBS and burn all possible copies of it in a fire, use mind control technology to wipe it from the face of the earth.

16.set off an EMP somewhere. just cause.

17. kill anyone who shops healthy at non healthy based fast food resturants.

18. conquer france, exile the french from it.

19. become famous, write my memoirs and go on oprah, promptly kick oprah in the tits and get a rousing cheer.

20. die fighting a bear in a giant explosion while in my pool orgy.