a variety of encycbropedia brotannica entriettes

I know I know "Kwanzaa Gecko, since you took a siesta, my life has lacked meaning, a communist bro moved in next door and he hates michael bay, what do I do to prevent myself from finishing my pathetic existance?" oh simple, Brian, I got some brand spanking new ENYCBROPEDIA BROTANNICA entries, fresh off the presses!

Brotein:

Brotein is a noun, and it is what all bros need to survive, without absorbing enough brotein in the day, a bros hair will turn normal, his skin to a color that doesn't resemble fruit, he will become a functional member of society, he will also change his name from chad to something that doesn't give me an urge to poison his food so his kidneys shut down. where can brotein be found you ask? well, little child, it is hard. Brotein can be absorbed in the scalp (Hairgel and other bros semen is a common way to get brotein from the head to the brain, which is bathing in douche juice) or brotein is the secret ingredient in monster energy drinks, it can also be found in natty beer and in 90 percent of the food in boston and Los angeles. a regular cool cat, after absorbing enough brotein, turns into a bro. Brotein is also the main scent in axe body spray.

Broasting:

Broasting is the main way bros prefer their food prepared (note I say prepared, as bros are too stupid to cook without setting themselves or their cornholing buddies into shishkabrobs, which is a group of grilled bros impaled on a stake). Broasting a food takes out all the happiness, joy and tastiness in it, similar to a process done when you go to a vegitarian resturant and order chilli, and instead replaces it with lose, sadness and the tears of children, all of which taste vaguely like unwashed buttcheeks, i mean, have you ever had a veggie burger? holy shit on toast, that is just pure sadness in food form, it doesn't even taste like anything but ground up veggies in a patty, its fucking rabbit food and it disgusts me as a red-blooded hetero american male that we allow this injustice, these fuckers deserve to all go suffer through leprosy of the anus. anyway, broasting is vile, and all the food tastes like pure shit when it is broasted.

Brophecy:

a Brophecy is a prediction made by a bro wizard, which sadly I need to think of a clever term for. unlike regular prophechies, which usually involve epic ninjas fighting and a 600 percent chance of big tits raining from the sky while Josh Homme porks your Mom and viking metal playing with at least 200 fires and 300 bolts of lightning raining down, a Brophecy is totally gay. think of the gayest thing you've ever heard, maybe someone goes on a rant about how you duel a friend and take out the clip of the gun, maybe its a fire tornado fighting a hurricane, maybe its just accidentally listening to hardcore french fisting gay porn, and times it by 9000, you have what happens in a brophecy, let me demonstrate:

Bro 1: Oh great wise Bro Chad

Chad: sup brah, you want some brotein shakes? we can sit back and listen to jack johnson brah, what do you want? I have to go yell at my girlfriend for being too feminine for Me, Brah.

Bro 1: How much Natty can I consume at the bro faila losa cookout tonight?

Chad: 20 brah, lest you drink too much and die brah.

there, thats a brophecy.

Brohio:

Brohio is the eden of bros, where all bros come from, where bro adam and chad first hung out and got their bro on. the capital of brohio is new brorleans (pronounced brohr-leans), and among its provinces are aribrona (home of douchey southern bros), Broklahoma (weirdo western bros who dress like cowboys) Bronnecticut (WASP bros who all go to HAWLY FACKIN CRAWS) and Bronolulu (really western sufer bros who do ecstasy, the douchiest and most useless of all drugs). each province has its own uniqueness, which I will go into in a later entry. All Bros eventually make the Pilgrimage back to Brohio and have a brong there which can last for an eternity.

since summer is ending, I'd like to say something poignant/gay:

thanks to funk, K-man, chris, rob (HI ROB!), Poop AKA Bwoody knuckwes, Syd, and My brother for giving me a summer for the ages, and good luck next year in school readers conor and anyone I forgot, sorry, but remember one thing: all 7 of my readers, you're balling

oh, I also tweet lemme get that URL, don't change the site! no don't go to facebook!

ah here it is http://twitter.com/kwanzaagecko