I'm really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but this is gonna be the best gecko post of all time!

(for those of you over 50, thats a taylor swift joke)

if you are under the age of 25 surtely you know who the abovely pictured broad is, taylor swift, AKA That chick my girlfriend likes her music AKA, a candidate to be the future Mrs Gecko. first off, I'd like to state I do not Hate Her, amazing I know! I Hate everything, but I dig this chick, 3 reasons.

1. she's a good girl, ain't no panty shots or sex tapes (sadly for Me, good for the future girls of america for someone famous to look up to, doesn't drink, smoke, sing about sex, and most importantly, she's not lindsay lohan or paris hilton)

2. she's a fox, tall blonde and cute= total babe

3. she's waay too easy to make fun of in her videos

and that last one is pure gold in my book, she's an easy good target because in her music videos, she (and the guys in them) are almost comically stupid. and thats whats kicking off this brand new series: spoofing taylor swift videos, or as I'll call it, swiftly swinging at swifts sweet singing soppy songs: a miniseries

IN 3-D!!!!!1111

and today, we'll start where taylor herself started

IN 3-D!!!1111

(sorry, 3-d is big right now, I mean shit, you saw avatar right? shit was BALLIN, blue cats running around fighting people, hot damn was that a good movie, but I digress, avatar was filmed entirely....)

in 3-D!!11111

(I swear, thats the last one.... ok, one more time)

IN 3-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Ok we done? good

anyhoo: where were we? right, the first video, lets roll the tape Jim!

wait, no preview video? you shitting Me? no little screen? I have to post the link? fucking blogspot, ok, here's the video link, go watch it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKCek6_dB0M (dammit, this really breaks up the flow of what was a very nice post, goddamn assfisters at blogspot/google, click the link and watch, fool).

anyway, what we got here is our first recurring theme in taylor swift videos: Oh this guy doesn't think I'm pretty! to which I respond with a sound, dudes gotta be blind or some shit. You, Taylor? you are quite an attractive young lady, not like say, this broad

Look at THAT landbeast, holy shit, I wouldn't fuck her with your dick, gentle reader. (quick sidenote: we're talking about the whale in the center, but the average midwestern girl is AT LEAST this fat) want another example? oh fuck and yes you want more ugly broads

look at THAT, Taylor, before you complain that no guys like you, because you look like...
this, you are attractive, hot, sexy even. but that is not the point, the point is you sing about how no guys want to go out with you, why is this? are you boring? do you have an odd odor to yourself? perhaps your really clingy? I don't know, I guess we'll have to watch more of your videos at a later time, since this is now a new running series: Taylor swift takedowns that are a subtle hint that I want to make her Mrs Gecko. or whatever the tag is below Me, I don't care either way, the point is, get ready, get set my readers, and lets go for More Mocking of a successful 20 year old girl to make ourselves feel better, you know you'll be back.

more encycbropedia brotannica!

with the advent of some of the most wanton douchebaggery to ever be unleashed on tv (jersey shore) People have been clamoring for more encycbropedia, and I am a man of the people (as all great americans should be) so here you go, More Bro words ahoy!

Bropane:

Bropane is what brobeques are had on, on their bro cookers, it is how most food is broasted in a pan, using bropane. whats in bropane? most of the shit thats in propane, plus hairgel, bits of hair, axe body spray, Lil waynes tatoos and t-pains tophat, in other words, its powered by 100 percent DOUCHE. food cooked on bropane, no matter how good the food, will taste identical to sadness and the tears of indians, its fucking depressing seeing a bro try and cook (notice that I said try, most of these fuckers end up self immolating (thats a big way to say set themselves on fire immolating sounds far cooler) man, do I always over use parenthesises this must, by the way, parenthesis is just a parent thesis, fucking blows my mind, its a compound word, its the thesis that tells your thesis what to do, a parenthesis)

I got off track again didn't I? ah fuck, sorry reader, now I'm just gonna see how much of your time I can waste, go on, keep reading this. I dare you not to, if you stop, Jay Leno will replace you reading this and bump your reading this a half hour.

anyway, bropane is fucking vile, it doesn't burn normal person's skin, it only burns if your skin is orange, so it doesn't kill anyone important.

Brokemon:

anyone whose anyone likes Pokemon, its cool, its badass, its got winners all over the place, so naturally, bros like pokemon, but not cool pokemon. how to spot a bro owner of pokemon red blue or yellow:

1. He chooses Bulbasaur, Bulbasaur is solid, Imma let him finish, but he's the biggest loser between squirtle him and charmander, squirtle evolves in blastoise, do you need a blastoise picture?

HE'S GOT CANNONS ON HIS BACK! WHAT.A.CHAMP.

of course, blastoise falls in comparison to the pokegod, probably my favorite starter, thats right bitches, its MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD

look at charizard. JUST LOOK AT HIM! tail on fire? check, badassery? check. wings? check charizard is a BOSS

venusaur? Venusaur's aiight, He's funny, easy to make penile jokes (PENISAUR! Get it?! or better, penis whore! bam! two dick jokes like that! or my favorite feelawhore! its like an invitation to fondle!) Grass types generally suck

2. He catches a fucking raticate, everyone hates raticate, its just a fact, jack. raticate SUCKS

3. He prefers vaporeon, easily the worst eevee form (eevee needs less E's, I'm not sure if its one e or two in the front, correct me in the comments)

4.He likes dragonite, AKA the big orange retard of pokemon.

5. his party consists of venusaur, vaporeon, raticate, Dragonite, Hitmonlee and omastar (all losers)

6. He doesn't use the rare candy glitch/wastes his master ball.

I believe thats all we need on brokemon. what? what pokemon do I use? sure, I'll tell ya
Charizard, Mewtwo, Mew, Lapras, zapdos and whatever the fuck pleases Me that moment, its what you can do when you have all 151, assfister.

Bropera:

Bropera is what bros like to listen to. what consists of bropera? shit music autotuned, douche rock, etc. whats shit music? well, Lil wayne, He's easily the first to go. Evanescence, and that is entirely biased because of a raging hateon I have for amy lee, holy fuck do I hate amy lee, i have for many years, and will continue to. why you ask? She's a fame whore attention grabbing slut, here, read this

She has stated on a number of occasions that she would never flash her breasts or engage in other publicity stunts that would draw attention to herself. In fact, in the music video for "Everybody's Fool", she aimed to mock such artists by suggesting that celebrities who use sex to appeal to an audience are, in fact, merely peddling "lies" (the unifying theme of the music video). Many fans praise Lee for her refusal to emulate other celebrities by using sex appeal in her music (thanks wiki)

well, if you don't wanna engage in publicity stunts, DON'T SAY DOUCHEY SHIT LIKE THAT. DON'T SAY SHIT THAT IN TURN, BRINGS ATTENTION TO YOU,.HOLY SHIT ARE YOU A HYPOCRITE, YOU LYING UGLY CUNT. YOU KNOW WHY YOU DON'T USE SEX APPEAL? NO ONE WANTS TO FUCK YOU, YOU TWO BIT TWILIGHT WHORE, HOLY FUCK AM I PISSED OFF NOW, VERY FEW THINGS ANGER ME LIKE IDIOTS.

here's another one

"In 2004, Lee claimed to be working on music for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but that the music was rejected by the studio for being "too dark and epic." (once again, thanks wiki)

you're not dark, you are the polar opposite of epic, holy shit on a shingle, do I want to hit her with a monster truck, she's a lady douche at its finest. she's convinced she is artsy, unique, a special flower amidst the rubble of society, your not. your an ugly goth chick who got lucky to be famous who is a mouthy twat, you hate on slash? you get some hate back, Slash is THE MAN. he's like a british josh homme who helped write appetite for destruction, easily one of the 10 best rock albums ever made.you, Amy lee, are a talentless, ugly, vagina dentata having useless waste of carbon atoms and valuable oxygen and resources, I hope sincerely you are sterile so you do not breed ugly pompous children who I turn will have to pummel to death with a sack full of valencia oranges or nickels. no, definitely nickels, that would satisfy me to no end almost to the point my hate would die down to almost non existance, anyone whose read any other entries of this would know, that that takes a fuckload of hate satisfaction.

anyway, other people who are in bropera: T-pain, Kanye (great musician, but his wanton douchebaggery lands him here), Phoenix, the fireflies guy (he looks like bo burnham), Post Slash Guns N Roses, devil wears prada, green day,

there we go, 3 new bro words, until next time.

Shit that I'd like to see in the new year

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the Kwanzaa gecko badass stuff of the year

now, we are nearing the end of this year 2009 (disregard that year if you use the jewish or chinese calenders, you crazy), which means all the magazines and tv shows are rolling out their annual awards, people, show, album, worst and best. Well, as much as i love saying things suck (and trust Me, hating makes me hard enough to take batting practice) so you should know how much it pains me to congradulate some motherfuckers for a bang up job they have done.

unlike every award show ever, lets start shit off right with the big ones you care about, Man, album, Movie of the year.

Man of the Year: Cap'n sully.

if you dont want to vote cap'n sully for man of the year, congradulations, your more of a dick than the trinity killer on dexter. what qualifies cap'n sully? for one, He's got a good stashe, for two, he saved 155 lives, which is more than obama and any other political cocksniffer has done all year. We are talking about a man, a myth a legend, what would you have done? I know for a fact I would've been freaking out if My plane went down, but not cap'n sully, He's like Rosie O'donnels genitals (in a good way): cold, untouched by man, feared by all, and no ones sure what they are, but you know you don't wanna meet them in a street fight, also, It feeds solely on women and virgins. We should elect cap'n sully for god next year, and considering Josh Homme AND Michael Bay both having bukkakes of badassery this year (both of which we'll get to later). the point is cap'n sully did what no one else did this year, be a total american, he fought for his rights as a pilot. here, just to show, Picture of sully

Cap'n Sully, not pictured? your sister sucking him Like she's a hoover on your carpet.

Look at that picture of cap'n sully. STUDY THAT SHIT LIKE ITS YOUR FINAL EXAM BITCH. He's got everything a kickass guy needs, good pose, sweet uniform, Mustashe, watch that can probably call zordon whenever he wants to summon the dragonzord and thus, fuck your shit up, badges of honor, and an all around american. Cap'n sully will win from now until the rest of time. Runners up include Neil Patrick Harris for being a champ on How I met your Mother, Don draper for being don motherfucking draper, and Michael Bay.

Album of the year: TIE!

thats right bitches, its a tie, this has been by far the hardest choice of all my votes, because two UH-MAZING albums came out this year.

in thiis cooorner, weighing in at 8 kickass songs, is the mastodon album, craaaaaaack the skyeeeee by mastodoooooooonnn

We've gone over before why crack the skye is one of the best albums ever, but to recap. extremely metal, vaguely resembles Metallica Master of puppets era (quick side joke for Kalu: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT RESEMBLES METALLICA? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?!, oh Dave Mustaine, if you could sing Megadeth would be legendary instead of simply mildly epic). Killer guitars and drums, and all the guys in mastodon look like they could be vikings circa 960 AD, raiding fucking and drinking. go on, look them up, I'll wait.

go on, this blog isn't going nowhere, I have all the time in the world.

you done? really? I doubt it, go do it again, I SAID DO IT FAGGOT, DO IT OR I'LL BEAT YOU LIKE YOU BEAT YOUR GODDAMN DICK, YOU LITTLE UNGRATEFUL TWATTANGOER.

there, are you done? do you not agree?

and in thiiis corner, weighing in at a hefty hefty 13 songs, the album THEM CROOKED VULLLTUUUURRRESS by the artist of the same name.

now, this is nothing against TCV, who are them crooked vultures? Josh Homme (who you might now as Ginger jesus, My favorite Musician and the current reigning god of rock) on vocals/guitar, Dave Grohl (known as primarily the guy in the foo fighters who everyone knows, kyle orton impersonator, drummer for nirvana, drummed for Queens of the stone age on the greatest album of the decade, the Thor to Hommes Odin , still a badass god and one you don't wanna fuck with, but Odin is the baddest of the bad) and finally, John Paul Jones on Bass (Led zeppelins bassist/all around guy, the best bassist to ever live.period) when news this band formed in late august, I nearly came in delight, the album drops, its just like you would imagine, all 3 guys just kicking back, eating turkey legs, drinking Jim bean from the bottle and punchfucking barely legal pussy, all in all, its such a kickass album its goddamn rediculous, but what would you expect out of 3 legends of rock? for Mastodon to achieve this level of success to match them is amazing, but sadly, it is a tie.

Movie of the year: Transformer 2: revenge of the fallen

I know I know "It wasn't as good as the first one! robot heaven was gay!" to be better than transformers 1 is like trying to be more awesome than Josh Homme, More Lose than Spencer Pratt and more, or have more candy than the cool houses at halloween who give out big candy, its just not done, people. Transformers 1 is the single greatest movie of all time, OF ALL TIME! here, lets have a quick rundown of whats in transformers 1.

Gratuititous fighting? Check

Tools getting pwned? check

dick jokes and hilarious masturbation references? check

too many hot girls? check

hot girl with a nose piercing? check

Hot australian girl with a nose piercing? check

Megan fox in various states of undress and dirty/sweaty? check

more explosions than at los almos 1945? check

Robots punching each other for no reason? check

annoying friend who is ditched after 15 minutes? check

dangerous amounts of kick ass and a heroic ending? check

Jon voight still pissed off he raised a stupid fatheaded twat of a daughter, who at the same time is SMOKIN hot? check

tell Me thats not a movie you don't wanna see, you already HAVE seen it, its called transformers 1. Transformers 2 has most of these as well (the annoying friend sticks around too long and looks like mark sanchez, the hot australian girl is replaced by a hot robot girl who I am not sure of her ethnicity) but it also adds robot testicles, parents getting high and making fools of themselves, Megan fox in leather (HOO RAH), old robots complaining, legs getting humped, OPTIMUS PRIME FUCKING DYING. it is the 2nd or 3rd best movie of the decade (depending where you put the Lord of the rings trilogy as a whole) so it only makes sense that transformers two wins Movie of the year, enjoy your golden gecko, Michael Bay.

and now, good tidings

Merry christmas to all who read this, I hope everyone has a kickass holiday, for those who I won't get to see during this christmas season, my best wishes to you all, since I don't do christmas cards. so Merry christmas to the gang, you know who you are, my cousins, and anyone who reads this who I can't see.

I wish you, yes, you, my reader, a merry christmas, and a happy new year, here's hoping 2010 sucks less.

Just a quickie (Warning! this isn't your typical silly post)

Disclaimer:

I know all 6 of you usually come for the laughs and stay for the explosions, but this is not that day, this is a serious goddamn post, so stick around

today is november 11th, veterans day. Normally I don't post this sort of "oh sappy holiday" bull, but veterans day is special, its unique. It is a truly american holiday, where we celebrate the truly important americans, not our congressmen, not our senators, not our presidents, not our supreme court justices, not our politicans, our writers, our demonstrators, No. Today is about soldiers, the people who have fought and died for us. They died for my right to write about dipshit parents and make jokes, they died so you can read this, they died so we could all live in a better, freer place, a place were Nicole ritchie is famous and good charlotte is liked, but a place were we have truly great people too, all of which would be for naught without our soldiers. so to any vets or current soldiers reading this, may God be with you today and every day, and I leave you with a comment I found on Kissing suzy kolber, one of the best blogs on earth, about today.

WHAT IS A VET

Some veterans bear visible signs of their service: a missing limb, a jagged scar,a certain look in the eye. Others may carry the evidence inside them: a pinholding a bone together, a piece of shrapnel in the leg – or perhaps another sortof inner steel: the soul’s ally forged in the refinery of adversity. Except in parades, however, the men and women who have kept America safe wear no badge or emblem. You can’t tell a vet just by looking.

what is a vet?

He is the cop on the beat who spent six months in Saudi Arabia sweating two gallonsa day making sure the armored personnel carriers didn’t run out of fuel

He is the barroom loudmouth, dumber than five wooden planks, whose overgrown frat-boy behavior is outweighed a hundred times in the cosmic scales by four hoursof exquisite bravery near the 38th parallel.

She or he—is the nurse who fought against futility and went to sleep sobbing everynight for two solid years in Da Nang.

He is the POW who went away one person and came back another—or didn’t come back AT ALL.

He is the Quantico drill instructor who has never seen combat—but has savedcountless lives by turning slouchy, no-account rednecks and gang members intoMarines, and teaching them to watch each other’s backs.

He is the parade—riding Legionnaire who pins on his ribbons and medals with aprosthetic hand.

He is the career quartermaster who watches the ribbons and medals pass him by.

He is the three anonymous heroes in The Tomb Of The Unknowns, whose presence atthe Arlington National Cemetery must forever preserve the memory of all theanonymous heroes whose valor dies unrecognized with them on the battlefield or in the ocean’s sunless deep.

He is the old guy bagging groceries at the supermarket—palsied now andaggravatingly slow—who helped liberate a Nazi death camp and who wishes all daylong that his wife were still alive to hold him when the nightmares come

He is an ordinary and yet an extraordinary human being—a person who offered some of his life’s most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificedhis ambitions so others would not have to sacrifice theirs.

He is a soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness, and he is nothingmore than the finest, greatest testimony on behalf of the finest, greatest nationever known.

So remember, each time you see someone who has served our country, just lean over and say Thank You. That’s all most people need, and in most cases it will meanmore than any medals they could have been awarded or were awarded.

Two little words that mean a lot, “THANK YOU.”

Lastly, a quote

“It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. Itis the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is thesoldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.It is the soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.”

Father Dennis Edward O’Brien, USMC

(no credit goes to me for any of the above except the parts I wrote credit to orton hears an oot in the KSK comments secrtion for getting it from footballguys.com)

thank you, and god bless

Underrated shit in life

too often in life, things are underrated, one of my best friends once said "the three most underrated things in the world are cereal, sitting and flat ground" 2 outta 3 aint' bad (cereal's aiight at best), so Naturally kev, I have to top your ass.

ready bitches?

thing 1: good water fountains

lets paint this picture, your jogging through the park on a mildly hot day, lets say its 85 degrees fahrenheit (the only REAL system of tempreture, I'm looking at you, centigrade), decent humidity, and your sweating your balls off, which is odd, since your nuts are stuck to your taint by now, you forgot your water bottle at home, you are fucking dying of thirst like your a starving african boy, and then! salvation! a water fountain! tall glorious, covered in stone, its like the things dick but instead of clobbering times, it dispenses water! oh water! you run, hit that button and BANG! its warm, disgusting, its like your at R. Kellys house and your a 15 year old girl, its that uncomfortable warm where it tastes vaguely like piss and it is hardly refreshing.

go on, replace that with anything, a walk in school and you hit that warm fountain, it is disgusting and awful. worse yet is when the fountain is at a drinkable tempreture, but it shoots so damn low its like drinking from a goddamn stream, plus now theres a possibility you got chlymidia, and that will make you a real drag to hang out with, no one likes STDs anymore than they like Jon Gosselin or Kids Named Jackson, my god, now my blood is boiling. so what defines a good water fountain then? well, it has to shoot high, high enough I can bend down to drink it at a reasonable spot. It has to be cold, I like my water fountains roughly. 3 degrees above freezing, I drink them for fucking HOURS and am happy, holy shit, do I love that feeling, the feeling of ice cold pain on your teeth, it burns so good and I am refreshed as shit afterwards, oh, theres my erection popping up again, oh, there goes the roof as a result.

anyway, point I'm trying to make is you never appreciate that good cold water fountains, NEVER, Even I take these holy sacraments for granted.

Thing 2: Peace and goddamn quiet

who doesn't like peace and motherfucking quiet? terrorists, thats who. There are many benefits of being at community college (kickass water fountains and hot domb girls are at the top) but the big downside? Lotsa dumb people. I mean A LOT of dumb people. I mean more dumb people than at your average sorority/fraternity mixer. I am talking a whole shitload of dumb people. now I don't mind dumb people, some of my best friends (read: My brother) are dumb people. I just realized that dumb people lined up at the end of the last three lines. isn't that weird? fuckin look at that, thats gotta be a secret message, I'll send this post to dan brown so he can da vinci code that shit and I can make millions, no BILLIONS! then I shall be rich! Ha! Ha!

were the hell was I? oh right, dumb people

anyway, lots of dumb people can succeed (President Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Hilary clinton, the entire cast of twilight) but nothing, NOTHING irks me like loud motherfuckers. were I spend a majority of my time at school, the library, has recently been taken over by loud people. its a library motherfuckers, not a chatatorium, my god, do these People anger me, hogging all the computers and seats and being general bags of shit. on their cell phones, yelling to each other across the room, its a wonder I have stopped talking/caring in school (kidding, I love school), but my god, when I get home nothing makes me happier than peace and fucking quiet, who likes working in loudass environments? no one, thats who. its fucking annoying to try and let your top flight humor flow when you can hear motherfuckers talking about how ghettoliscious they are, makes me want to fucking remove some eyeballs with a melon baller.

Thursdays

people will tell you friday is the best day of the week, or saturday. these people couldn't be more wrong, thursday is the goddamn best day of the week, and its not close. Want Proof? first, friday is a throwaway day in your work or school week, no one cares on friday. second, decent people go out on thursday nights, nothing but dipshits go out on fridays and chill, brah. or slutty dirty people like the olson twins or your Mom. thirdly, football is played on thursday, both good pro and good college, is football played on friday, gay high school football excepted? I do believe a no has to be checked in that box, don't you friend? Is the best TV of the goddamn week on fridays? the only thing on fridays Is Degrassi, and thats been going downhill since they stabbed JT and let him die in a puddle of another mans pee. Is the best TV on thursdays? fuck and yes it is. Community, The Office, 30 Rock, Always sunny and the league? fuck to the yiz-es, it is. I believe without a doubt thursday is the best day of the week, it has everything lofty days should have, opportunities to drink, kickass tv and football is all you need to have a good fucking day.

and now, a kwanzaa gecko special announcement!

Happy thanksgiving, I just fooled you into thinking i had something important to say, and welcome back to all my homies from summer, god damn I missed you fuckers more than words or pubic hair currency can express, so yeah, welcome back

Oh fuck, another kid named Jayden! how to properly name your child

this sort of goes hand in hand with the "dipshit parents raise dipshit kids" Philosophy, but is it just me, or have normal, non batshit names gone out the window in favor of shit that isn't a name? heres a list some of the top boys names of 2008

Aiden, Kayden, Jaden, Jackson, Logan, Tyler, Taylor, Carson, Carter

notice a trend? all of these names are dipshits. you name your son kayden? congrats, your contributing to the growing population of bros, that kid will grow up and love lacrosse, hate laughter, enjoy the music of good charlotte, and hate all things wonderful and good. so then, for you, the average reader, what should I name my kid so he doesn't grow up to be the kind of person who warrants a mallet to the kidneys? oh thats easy.

you go simple, badass names

Names like Michael, Paul, Nicholas, Phillip, Andrew, simple names, no funny spellings, no phillip with an F, no Nikolas, spell it right, motherfuckers. or if your feeling badass, rock a cool foreign name like Sven, or Axel, shit, if you name your son axel, theres a 100 percent chance that he will grow up to be one of these things:

1. lumberjack

2. Metal guitarist

3. a badass lumberjack metal guitarist

ain't no fags named axel, its just the rules people. if you name your son a black name and your white, anything starting with ja and then a name, jamarcus, Jamatthew, I've seen some jermichaels, or in girls cases, la, lakeisha, latoya, lavender, then you are naming your son wrong (read: if your a halfie half, you can name your kid a ja or a la, but I don't want to see white kids with extremely black names). now of course, you may be asking, oh wise kwanzaa gecko, what shall you name your kid? simple, bitch, an easy name

if its a boy:

after Me or the old man, or my grandpa, alternatively, Lincoln or Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. if all those fail, then a solid name like George or Malcolm

if its a girl:

fuck, I had a girl? I'm giving it back, I want a mulligan. I can't? fuck, I guess whatever Mrs Gecko wants in that case, but if I have to choose, after my grandma would be good.

by the way, do you know what sucks? when it feels like you have inhaled fucking iron scraps into your lungs so your coughs are loud and violent, sort of like your mom in bed, holy fuck, do I hate this, I have been fighting a cold for the past 2 weeks or so, fading in and out, it is fucking HELL. God damn, am I pissed, my lungs fucking ACHE, its a horrible horrible world populated exclusively by me, its like I'm trapped on an island, but instead of an island, its a blood curdling cough that makes me wonder if I am dying slowly of lung rot, and man, I wish I had more to rant about, sadly I do not, so I am going to go fucking shoot my lungs and steal michael phelps' so I can breathe like a fucking champ.