more encycbropedia brotannica!

with the advent of some of the most wanton douchebaggery to ever be unleashed on tv (jersey shore) People have been clamoring for more encycbropedia, and I am a man of the people (as all great americans should be) so here you go, More Bro words ahoy!

Bropane:

Bropane is what brobeques are had on, on their bro cookers, it is how most food is broasted in a pan, using bropane. whats in bropane? most of the shit thats in propane, plus hairgel, bits of hair, axe body spray, Lil waynes tatoos and t-pains tophat, in other words, its powered by 100 percent DOUCHE. food cooked on bropane, no matter how good the food, will taste identical to sadness and the tears of indians, its fucking depressing seeing a bro try and cook (notice that I said try, most of these fuckers end up self immolating (thats a big way to say set themselves on fire immolating sounds far cooler) man, do I always over use parenthesises this must, by the way, parenthesis is just a parent thesis, fucking blows my mind, its a compound word, its the thesis that tells your thesis what to do, a parenthesis)

I got off track again didn't I? ah fuck, sorry reader, now I'm just gonna see how much of your time I can waste, go on, keep reading this. I dare you not to, if you stop, Jay Leno will replace you reading this and bump your reading this a half hour.

anyway, bropane is fucking vile, it doesn't burn normal person's skin, it only burns if your skin is orange, so it doesn't kill anyone important.

Brokemon:

anyone whose anyone likes Pokemon, its cool, its badass, its got winners all over the place, so naturally, bros like pokemon, but not cool pokemon. how to spot a bro owner of pokemon red blue or yellow:

1. He chooses Bulbasaur, Bulbasaur is solid, Imma let him finish, but he's the biggest loser between squirtle him and charmander, squirtle evolves in blastoise, do you need a blastoise picture?

HE'S GOT CANNONS ON HIS BACK! WHAT.A.CHAMP.

of course, blastoise falls in comparison to the pokegod, probably my favorite starter, thats right bitches, its MOTHERFUCKING CHARIZARD

look at charizard. JUST LOOK AT HIM! tail on fire? check, badassery? check. wings? check charizard is a BOSS

venusaur? Venusaur's aiight, He's funny, easy to make penile jokes (PENISAUR! Get it?! or better, penis whore! bam! two dick jokes like that! or my favorite feelawhore! its like an invitation to fondle!) Grass types generally suck

2. He catches a fucking raticate, everyone hates raticate, its just a fact, jack. raticate SUCKS

3. He prefers vaporeon, easily the worst eevee form (eevee needs less E's, I'm not sure if its one e or two in the front, correct me in the comments)

4.He likes dragonite, AKA the big orange retard of pokemon.

5. his party consists of venusaur, vaporeon, raticate, Dragonite, Hitmonlee and omastar (all losers)

6. He doesn't use the rare candy glitch/wastes his master ball.

I believe thats all we need on brokemon. what? what pokemon do I use? sure, I'll tell ya
Charizard, Mewtwo, Mew, Lapras, zapdos and whatever the fuck pleases Me that moment, its what you can do when you have all 151, assfister.

Bropera:

Bropera is what bros like to listen to. what consists of bropera? shit music autotuned, douche rock, etc. whats shit music? well, Lil wayne, He's easily the first to go. Evanescence, and that is entirely biased because of a raging hateon I have for amy lee, holy fuck do I hate amy lee, i have for many years, and will continue to. why you ask? She's a fame whore attention grabbing slut, here, read this

She has stated on a number of occasions that she would never flash her breasts or engage in other publicity stunts that would draw attention to herself. In fact, in the music video for "Everybody's Fool", she aimed to mock such artists by suggesting that celebrities who use sex to appeal to an audience are, in fact, merely peddling "lies" (the unifying theme of the music video). Many fans praise Lee for her refusal to emulate other celebrities by using sex appeal in her music (thanks wiki)

well, if you don't wanna engage in publicity stunts, DON'T SAY DOUCHEY SHIT LIKE THAT. DON'T SAY SHIT THAT IN TURN, BRINGS ATTENTION TO YOU,.HOLY SHIT ARE YOU A HYPOCRITE, YOU LYING UGLY CUNT. YOU KNOW WHY YOU DON'T USE SEX APPEAL? NO ONE WANTS TO FUCK YOU, YOU TWO BIT TWILIGHT WHORE, HOLY FUCK AM I PISSED OFF NOW, VERY FEW THINGS ANGER ME LIKE IDIOTS.

here's another one

"In 2004, Lee claimed to be working on music for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but that the music was rejected by the studio for being "too dark and epic." (once again, thanks wiki)

you're not dark, you are the polar opposite of epic, holy shit on a shingle, do I want to hit her with a monster truck, she's a lady douche at its finest. she's convinced she is artsy, unique, a special flower amidst the rubble of society, your not. your an ugly goth chick who got lucky to be famous who is a mouthy twat, you hate on slash? you get some hate back, Slash is THE MAN. he's like a british josh homme who helped write appetite for destruction, easily one of the 10 best rock albums ever made.you, Amy lee, are a talentless, ugly, vagina dentata having useless waste of carbon atoms and valuable oxygen and resources, I hope sincerely you are sterile so you do not breed ugly pompous children who I turn will have to pummel to death with a sack full of valencia oranges or nickels. no, definitely nickels, that would satisfy me to no end almost to the point my hate would die down to almost non existance, anyone whose read any other entries of this would know, that that takes a fuckload of hate satisfaction.

anyway, other people who are in bropera: T-pain, Kanye (great musician, but his wanton douchebaggery lands him here), Phoenix, the fireflies guy (he looks like bo burnham), Post Slash Guns N Roses, devil wears prada, green day,

there we go, 3 new bro words, until next time.

a variety of encycbropedia brotannica entriettes

I know I know "Kwanzaa Gecko, since you took a siesta, my life has lacked meaning, a communist bro moved in next door and he hates michael bay, what do I do to prevent myself from finishing my pathetic existance?" oh simple, Brian, I got some brand spanking new ENYCBROPEDIA BROTANNICA entries, fresh off the presses!

Brotein:

Brotein is a noun, and it is what all bros need to survive, without absorbing enough brotein in the day, a bros hair will turn normal, his skin to a color that doesn't resemble fruit, he will become a functional member of society, he will also change his name from chad to something that doesn't give me an urge to poison his food so his kidneys shut down. where can brotein be found you ask? well, little child, it is hard. Brotein can be absorbed in the scalp (Hairgel and other bros semen is a common way to get brotein from the head to the brain, which is bathing in douche juice) or brotein is the secret ingredient in monster energy drinks, it can also be found in natty beer and in 90 percent of the food in boston and Los angeles. a regular cool cat, after absorbing enough brotein, turns into a bro. Brotein is also the main scent in axe body spray.

Broasting:

Broasting is the main way bros prefer their food prepared (note I say prepared, as bros are too stupid to cook without setting themselves or their cornholing buddies into shishkabrobs, which is a group of grilled bros impaled on a stake). Broasting a food takes out all the happiness, joy and tastiness in it, similar to a process done when you go to a vegitarian resturant and order chilli, and instead replaces it with lose, sadness and the tears of children, all of which taste vaguely like unwashed buttcheeks, i mean, have you ever had a veggie burger? holy shit on toast, that is just pure sadness in food form, it doesn't even taste like anything but ground up veggies in a patty, its fucking rabbit food and it disgusts me as a red-blooded hetero american male that we allow this injustice, these fuckers deserve to all go suffer through leprosy of the anus. anyway, broasting is vile, and all the food tastes like pure shit when it is broasted.

Brophecy:

a Brophecy is a prediction made by a bro wizard, which sadly I need to think of a clever term for. unlike regular prophechies, which usually involve epic ninjas fighting and a 600 percent chance of big tits raining from the sky while Josh Homme porks your Mom and viking metal playing with at least 200 fires and 300 bolts of lightning raining down, a Brophecy is totally gay. think of the gayest thing you've ever heard, maybe someone goes on a rant about how you duel a friend and take out the clip of the gun, maybe its a fire tornado fighting a hurricane, maybe its just accidentally listening to hardcore french fisting gay porn, and times it by 9000, you have what happens in a brophecy, let me demonstrate:

Bro 1: Oh great wise Bro Chad

Chad: sup brah, you want some brotein shakes? we can sit back and listen to jack johnson brah, what do you want? I have to go yell at my girlfriend for being too feminine for Me, Brah.

Bro 1: How much Natty can I consume at the bro faila losa cookout tonight?

Chad: 20 brah, lest you drink too much and die brah.

there, thats a brophecy.

Brohio:

Brohio is the eden of bros, where all bros come from, where bro adam and chad first hung out and got their bro on. the capital of brohio is new brorleans (pronounced brohr-leans), and among its provinces are aribrona (home of douchey southern bros), Broklahoma (weirdo western bros who dress like cowboys) Bronnecticut (WASP bros who all go to HAWLY FACKIN CRAWS) and Bronolulu (really western sufer bros who do ecstasy, the douchiest and most useless of all drugs). each province has its own uniqueness, which I will go into in a later entry. All Bros eventually make the Pilgrimage back to Brohio and have a brong there which can last for an eternity.

since summer is ending, I'd like to say something poignant/gay:

thanks to funk, K-man, chris, rob (HI ROB!), Poop AKA Bwoody knuckwes, Syd, and My brother for giving me a summer for the ages, and good luck next year in school readers conor and anyone I forgot, sorry, but remember one thing: all 7 of my readers, you're balling

oh, I also tweet lemme get that URL, don't change the site! no don't go to facebook!

ah here it is http://twitter.com/kwanzaagecko

an encycbropedia brotannica entry

ah and now we get to to the fun stuff, the encbropedia brotannica. what is it you ask? well, it is an encyclopedia for a bro. whats a bro? great question

a bro is aged anywhere from 14 to 30, though most commonly found in the 16-25 range. they are entirely male in species, and there is an easy way to spot a bro. Is the guy next to you got too spiky hair with frosted tips? he does? ok, is his skin anywhere from grossly tan to orange as fuck? it is? do his lips have gloss on them, a little too much to be heterosexual? they do? ok. Does he have idiotic chanel sunglasses that a real man would not be caught raped as a corpse wearing? he does? is He wearing a polo shirt (or shirts) and is the collar popped? it is,well shucks. does he have at least one inane ear piercing and or tattoo? He does? does he have a prefrayed hat brim, a visor worn upside down or sideways (or both), and/or a shell necklace? He does? well then, if you answered yes to at least 2, congradulations, you are sitting next to the american bro, also known as a tool, a douchebag, a guido or fucksucker. Here are some pictured examples

Look at these fags, disgusting. and we wonder why americas education system is trailing? also Not pictured: anyone interested in Pussy.

words don't even describe this guys inane shitheadery, what.a.turd. I hope he gets 4 types of uncurable cancer that rot him painfully, what a drain on society in general.

and we come to our first entry of the Encycbropedia, which is actually more like a dictionary, but whatever, there will be encyclopedic entries here too. our first word is

BRONG

what is a brong? a Brong is a gathering of bros, from all corners of the bro world, at least 5 bros must be present for it to go from brofest to BRONG. Copious amounts of Natty, too much jack johnson, and more lacrosse sticks than anyone knows what to do with will undoubtedly be present. this is a gathering of douchebags, and can be used in a variety of ways, as shown here

Bro 1: Yo brah, wheres Matteo? we were supposed to watch family guy together, Brah.

Bro 2: Brah, he went to Chads Brong-a-thon, they're playing painball.

it it these things that make you want to punt children.