if your a boy and ride quad, your a douche and how to be a kickass parent

I am hanging out in my backyard today, reading a nice book (Men with Balls by Drew Magary, if you must know) when out of nowhere, ZOOM! some little fuck drives behind My house with a quad. whats a quad? its an ATV, an all terrain vehicle, used by people like i presume park rangers and mountain riders. but if you are a guy under 16 and own a quad and live in suburbia, congrats! your a bro in the making. no vehicle is more inherently useless and shitty than a quad in suburbia, bike that route, bro. normally, I am not an environmental advocate, but for fucks sake, do you not see why we have a gas problem? because dipshit parents who can't raise their kids as kids, and try to make them their best friends, give their little dipshits whatever they want, and have to buy gas to fill up little johnnys useless fucking death device, thus driving the price of gas up for fuckers who need cars, just so you, a dipshit raising a littler dipshit, can make sure your kid likes you. I Guarantee you, my kid will not like me, I will not cave on his every demand or cater to his every whim, allow me to show you a glimpse into the future, bitches.

Kwanzaa gecklet : Dad, can I have-

Kwanzaa gecko : No

Kwanzaa Gecklet: But Dad I-

Kwanzaa gecko: is it your birthday?

Kwanzaa gecklet: No but-

Kwanzaa gecko: is it christmas?

Kwanzaa gecklet : No But timmy at school

Kwanzaa gecko : Listen son, timmy at school is a spoiled bitch, and when he finally has to sit down and start earning shit, that little fuck will be up a shit creek without toilet paper, eventually spiraling downward into a crack addicted skinny weirdo who smells vaguely like gorgonzolla cheese and turns tricks for fat businessmen, inevitably dying a young death of whom no one will remember or care. Now do you want that? do you want to be addicted to crack?

Kwanzaa gecklet : I wanna move in with timmy!

Kwanzaa gecko : go right ahead, saves me a call to the police when I know where you are, now one day, you will be happy I didn't give you everything you wanted, because it gives you a sense of entitlement. do you wanna end up a shitsucking brody jenner spencer pratt douchemaster of the known universe? no you don't, because if you do, you're outta the will, and you don't get my robot dinosaur and mastodon car, and I will choke you to death on your own self tanner.

Kwanzaa gecklet

END SCENE SUCKAS

Point is, if you give your kid a quad, and you live in fucking suburbia, where its a developed neighborhood, I hope your next child drinks gasoline and then burns himself from the inside out, you fuck of a parent